Jimmy's weblog

Since you are my readers, and I have not been much of a traveller, I will not talk about people a thousand miles off, but come as near home as I can. As the time is short, I will leave out all the flattery, and retain all the criticism. — Henry David Thoreau

Archive for the 'Humour' Category

Yes Minister (Campbell)

Tuesday July 27, 2004 13:33

An ABC interview with the Minister for the environment, Senator Ian Campbell - http://www.abc.net.au/insiders/content/2004/s1161179.htm.

BARRIE CASSIDY: What message does a blue [supermarket] bag send?
SENATOR IAN CAMPBELL: The blue bag will be the same as a green bag, Barrie, but it’s going to be blue. We want a series of different colours, we want to keep [...]

Posted in Humour | No Comments »

The price of democracy

Sunday July 25, 2004 09:36

Today’s Sunday morning special…
It would be fair to say that your average US Liberal has a more relaxed attitude towards sex than your average Republican. In an effort to grab some attention, or to swing (pun intended) November’s Presidential election, the Carbon Defence League has just launched a new website. Titled “Fuck the [...]

New element for the periodic chart

Saturday May 8, 2004 12:38

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named “Governmentium”. Governmentium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded [...]

World Hide and Seek Champion crowned

Friday December 19, 2003 13:33

Following the recent discovery of Saddam Hussein, officials have today confirmed that Osama Bin Laden has been crowned World Hide and Seek Champion.

Posted in Humour | No Comments »

Donald Rumsfeld wins the Plain English award

Tuesday December 2, 2003 14:59

Prepare to be tongue tied by a Rummy classic…
Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not [...]

The SCO Nigerian connection

Thursday November 27, 2003 05:08

DEAR SIR/MADAM:
I AM MR. DARL MCBRIDE CURRENTLY SERVING AS THE PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF THE SCO GROUP, FORMERLY KNOWN AS CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, IN LINDON, UTAH, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I KNOW THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOUR BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD NO PREVIOUS COMMUNICATIONS OR BUSINESS DEALINGS BEFORE NOW.
MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE [...]

Posted in Humour, Linux | No Comments »

Three-peat in the making?

Friday October 3, 2003 17:48

The Three-peat is on, said Collingwood President Eddie McGuire, shortly after his side lost Saturday’s Grand Final to the Brisbane Lions. “No other side, let alone any other Collingwood side, has lost three Grand Finals in a row- we are already aiming to achieve this unique record in 2004.”
When asked what improvements to the side [...]

Posted in Humour, Sport | No Comments »

A tribute to Microsoft

Tuesday August 26, 2003 15:14

Sobig, LoveSan, Welchia, LoveBug, Melissa, Code Red, Nimda, Klez, Bugbear, Sircam, Badtrans, Magistr et al…
I, for one, would like to welcome our virus and worm overlords and hereby submit that Windows is the most secure and stable operating system in the history of our planet.
I would also like to heartily thank BillG for using the [...]

In memory of Boo

Thursday August 21, 2003 12:09

Inspired by recent attendance at a lecture on the dot com industry, I decided to return to the scene of the most spectacular dot com crash of them all: boo.com. Internet literature still abounds on the story - after all who could fail to be intrigued by the story of two Swedish entrepreneurs [...]

Mblaster for Linux!

Wednesday August 13, 2003 21:11

Are you a Linux user feeling left out because your operating system doesn’t support the Mblaster trojan? Fear not, as you too can enjoy the Mblaster experience*.
Simply compile the following code, run as root (required to bind to port 135), and enjoy…
* Random rebooting and DDOSing of Windows Update features will be only available [...]

Posted in Humour, Linux | No Comments »